Am I unhappy?

That feels like it’s the case,
I’m a sufferer of a depression but for a while I’ve been dealing with it amazingly however for the past few weeks have been a tough ride and I don’t know if I’m getting through it.
The feeling is similar to being in limbo and my hopes have kind of flat-lined.
And I feel really uncomfortable and sad because I can’t fix it, I don’t even know where to start.

I’m so lost.

xx.5 I binged.

It’s all in the title guys.
I’ve binged and I am really unhappy with myself.

It all started yesterday when I went home and all we had in the fridge was beef steaks, now that’s not the problem really, I could’ve easily had beef and veg.
But my mum’s friend was round and well let’s just say it lead me to making spagbol with beef bits instead of minced beef.

So I ate that for dinner.
Then I made pack-lunch of the remains for today and ate it (today).

There was also a chocolate bar involved but I am cutting my female body some slack as it’s THAT TIME.

But bottom line to all this is that I’m truly pissed at myself and since I’m still crippled (see previous post) I can’t even go to the gym to work it off.

So, my answer to this was to create a diet plan to help me back into ketosis as quickly as possible.

Diet Plan

7:30am – MCT Oil teaspoon (increasing to tablespoon over time)(

8:30am – Coldbrew Black Coffee or Regular Black Coffee (Depends on the weather)

12:00pm or 1:00pm – Banana/Strawberry Protein shake (mixed with unsweetened almond milk)

Black Coffee and water throughout to curb the hunger pangs

18:30pm – Meat: Fish, chicken, beef, lamb etc.
– Veg: Broccoli, Spinach, Cauliflower, Salad etc.


I will buy some almonds, bring some celery or boil some eggs just to have as a last minute resort but I am adamant to stick to this.

We begin clean tomorrow!

xx.4 – It hurts.

Good morning all,
Let me tell you a little about my experience yesterday.

Please note I have never done a gym class in my life (school doesn’t count).
Anyway, me and my friend took part in our first class “Legs, Bums & Tums”.

It. Was. Brutal.

I knew I was unfit but I didn’t know HOW unfit I was until I took part in a class that I couldn’t even complete.
It consisted of lunges (with weights), wall sits (with weights), squats (with weights), pulsing all the way through (WITH WEIGHTS).
Safe to say I now hate weights.

I also developed a lot of shooting pains in my lower back which I am assuming is a result from an old back injury from where I used to carry heavy boxes of milk incorrectly when working at Costa Coffee.
Which was the main reason why I quit the lesson 35 minutes in.

I’m glad I quit, as I know my body’s limit.
However, I am in severe pain with my thighs, they’re literally like jelly, walking is so difficult now. And I have a full ache in my lower back just like when I first hurt it.

I don’t think I’ll be participating in those classes until I’ve got some strength back in my thighs.

I’ll just continue with the cardio..


xx.3 Day 2 at the gym and the keto diet.

Yesterday was my second session at the gym it was shorter than the first day but I can definitely feel the burn after this session.
It consisted mostly of cardio, I spent a good 10 minutes on a high-resistance cycling machine and 20 minutes alternating speed on the treadmill.
Through-out my whole time on the machine there was this one lady to the left at me who was sprinting and I mean full-on bolting her way through the miles. Maybe that will be me one day.

I tried to be a little brave and went on a stomach crunching device but stupidly enough I think I hurt my back andmyboobs, the seat was pretty high and the padding had to sit on your upper chest. Definitely need to research that one before using it again.

But that was pretty much my gym session!

Another thing I wanted to talk about today was the Keto diet and how I will be giving this another go. Previously I’ve attempted this diet and made it around 2-3 weeks before the ‘keto-flu’ made me too unhappy to continue.
What I was lacking then was the appropriate knowledge to get through it and I bet I was pretty close to entering ketosis.

This time I am going to do it.

But I’ll be doing it on a budget as I can’t really afford the recipes of my idol influencers.

Egg & Spinach will be my saviours!

Wish me luck!

xx.2 First day at the gym.

So yesterday was my first day at the gym, I went with two of my closest friends and lets just say it was great.

It’s a fairly popular gym and it’s hard not to get intimidated or disheartened (some of these people are incredible to even look at) by being in the same room as some of this trim body-building Gods/Goddesses humans, but after reflecting on it, everyone is just there to do their own thing and all these thoughts are probably natural and they’ve all started from somewhere.

I tried out the treadmill and barely made it to 10 minutes, then I went to the “floaty step thing” (I don’t know the names of the equipment) and that was actually fun – whenithasnoresistance.

Afterwards I got comfortable on the cycling machine for 5 minutes.
I must’ve just been excited because I couldn’t stay on a machine any longer than 5 minutes after that.

This was followed by the rowing machine which I suck at and probably need some training on how to use.

For the last 20 minutes I was playing with the weights, I shouldn’t really say playing, I was struggling and I am feeling it today, my legs feel like jelly and climbing one step is a challenge in itself.

Any tips for beginners?

Because I Am going again tomorrow!


Day 1,

Hello there,
Welcome to my blog.

This is an area for me to document my journey on becoming the best version of me, strap in because it’s going to be long one.

There are many areas of myself that need improving:

— Weight
— Skin
— Hair

— Wellbeing
— Positivity
— Self-Confidence

These are the things that need to be addressed in my life so I can live in harmony.